Against Self Transformation

  1. The desire for seld transformation is often rooted in escapism and delusion - where one thinks that “If I pursue this, I will be happy”, where you sacrifice the present moment for some illusory elusive future.

  2. It is also rooted in rejection of the self, especially if one is pursuing self-transformation because they think of themselves as inadequate or not “good enough”. That self-assessmentplants an insecurity based on a focus on weaknesses rather than strengths, and a mentality of scarcity rather than of abundance. If left unchecked the insecurities coulld lead to comparison, envy, jealousy, and anxiety from chasing unrealistic ideals and perfectionism.

    ‘’He painted a very feeble picture when he spoke of himself, a practice that was humorously meant, but that bellied, nevertheless, an excessively vulnerable self-conception. For he measured all his actions by a private standard of perfection, and laboured in service of this standard; as a consequence he was never really satisfied with any of his efforts, or with their results, and tended, in general, towards defeatism.” - The Luminaries

  3. Self-rejection can ultimately lead to an alienation from the self. In the worst case, it can lead to building a false-self image or turning into a sociopath filled with persistent inner shame. For example, one might want to become good at reading people, or being charismatic, or a good salesman, by learning hacks. But the hidden cost of manipulative behaviour would be the slow decline of respect for people, yourself and a distinct lack of empathy. Psychopaths like Ted Bundy are very good at reading people.  Ultimately if you are unable to respect people, you will inevitably lose respect.

    If you are really good with it it might work, but what is the damn point? We can all spot from a mile away when someone is trying to take something from us or sell us something. Even if we can’t put our finger on it exactly, we sense something is up. And then we are just waiting for the confirmation moment. “Aha! I knew it!”

  4. If improving in one thing is incongruous with improving in another, one can lose integrity. If you mimic the mannerisms of your role models, you can end up as a bizarre pastiche of different people, including yourself.

  5. For certain aspects of life, and arguably the only worthy ones, pursuing them as a conscious goal is the very thing that ensures that you do not reach there. These include, for example: authenticiy, “being yourself”, happiness, wichanging someone’s feelings about you, spontaneity etc. Many desirable states are best pursued indirectly, and conscious thought and effortful striving can actually interfere with their attainment.  Trying Not To Try

  6. Lastly, is it even possible to self improve? Any personality created by you is artificial and limited. To make a conscious choice “I’d do this, then I’d be that”. Whatever you little mind comes up with, will be too bare-bones, skeletal, analytical and limited. The world is expansive, abundant, changing, flowing, spontaneous. You can never capture it your little self-aware consciousness thoughts in your little minds. So forget self-improvement Instead confront your insecurities, accept them, be yourself, and pursue some love, passion or purpose. Improvement can come indirectly.
23 March 2020